sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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