I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Hippo gnu deer
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
