you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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