I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
