God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
