you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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