Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
