6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
