I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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