what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i think i have two assholes
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
