Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
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