is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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