Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
