my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
