Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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