Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
