If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
