I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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