I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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