Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
