when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize