so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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