he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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