whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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