Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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