I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
