I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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