"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
