Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
