There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
