Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
