but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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