I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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