You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
