Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
