theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Everyone says I win the strip club
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
