i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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