My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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