Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
