i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
