FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
operation have a gay friend backfired
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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