Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
