I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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