the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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