it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
