Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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