I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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