There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
