Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize