Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
