So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize