he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
