dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
