you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
