I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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