And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
