I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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