Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
