Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
