in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize