I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
