You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
