WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
