just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
