Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
