He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
