I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
