i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The beer is more important than you right now.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
