Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
