I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
