I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
