I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
