I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
