she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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