I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
