I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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