So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
