I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
