Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
