think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
