Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
