My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
