just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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