i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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