He disabled his match.com account in front of me
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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