so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
