Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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