My Higher Power is John Stamos
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He felt like a one man threesome
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
