Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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