Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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