We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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