T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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