1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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