no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
