Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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